Thin Ice
by sashsweetie
Summary: Cameron and Cuddy come together over Cameron's anorexia. An exploration of their relationship as they struggle with Cameron's disease. Cameron/Cuddy.
1. Out Cold

_Author's Note: The scenario is a little unlikely, but I figured it would make good use of Cuddy's motherly instincts and Cameron's underlying vulnerability, so I played both up a bit and I hope it works out!!_

Allison Cameron swayed slightly as she fought to keep her eyes in focus and her concentration on the voice beside her. Without thinking she lifted a hand to her head. "Dr. Cameron?" Dr. Cuddy asked her, worried. The younger woman had turned pale, her thin body trying to keep balance. She put an arm around her shoulders to steady her. "Allison? Can you hear me?" she tried again. Cameron turned towards her vaguely as she lost her fight to keep consciousness and collapsed into Cuddy's arms. "Shit." Cuddy muttered as she lowered her to the ground, quickly assessing if her co-worker was still breathing. Her breaths came slowly, but they were there. "A little help?" she called in the direction of the nearest nursing station. The nurse looked up, saw the body on the ground and headed over with a gurney.

"What happened?" she questioned as she helped Cuddy lift the too-light Cameron onto the stretcher.

"She fainted" Cuddy didn't elaborate. "Let's get her to a room."

Cameron blinked slowly as she came to. The room was too bright, and she raised a hand to shade her eyes, confused to find an IV in it. "You're awake." Cuddy commented, hurrying over. "How do you feel?"

"Not good." She shifted onto her side and curled up, tucking a hand under her cheek. "What happened?' she asked, looking up at Cuddy with shadowed eyes.

"You passed out on me." Cuddy smiled wanly.

"Oh." Cameron looked embarrassed. "I get light-headed sometimes."

"When did you last eat?" Cuddy asked her quietly. Cameron frowned.

"What day is it?"

"Tuesday night." Cameron sighed and closed her eyes again.

"Yesterday morning." She answered dully.

"Why do you do it?" Cuddy asked helplessly, sitting down on the bed beside the small figure.

Cameron looked at her sadly. "I don't even understand. Why would you?" she questioned. Silently she reached out and grasped Cuddy's hand, so the other woman wouldn't think she was angry. "Thanks for being here though."

Cuddy stroked her hair softly with her free hand. "We all need friends sometimes." Cameron nodded.

"Yeah." She whispered, drifting back into sleep.

Cuddy woke her sometime later with a tray holding a glass of milk, a mug of coffee, an apple, and oatmeal. "It's as plain as I could make it" She replied to the look on Cameron's face. "And the milk is skim." She helped Cameron to sit up and placed the tray on her lap. Cameron picked up the coffee eagerly.

"Thank you." She smiled shyly at her boss. "You're being very kind."

"I'm worried!" Cuddy sat down on the edge of the bed again.

"I know." Cameron sipped the warm drink. "How long do I have to stay?"

"We'll assess you and make treatment recommendations. But you should be able to sleep at home tonight." Cuddy told her kindly. She looked at the floor and then back up at the younger woman, who was watching her. "Allison…" she trailed off. "Would you consider therapy?"

Cameron laid a hand on top of hers gently. "I've been in and out of therapy for years." She told her boss gently.

"Oh." They sat in silence for a few minutes.

Suddenly Cameron pulled herself upright. "Dr. Cuddy…Lisa…" she started. "Would you do the assessment?" she pleaded. Cuddy blinked in confusion.

"Me?" she questioned. "Why?"

"I'd rather as few people know about this as possible. You're already involved, and I can trust you won't tell House."

Cuddy nodded, understanding. "Alright. They're basic tests, so that shouldn't be a problem." Allison smiled at her gratefully.

"Thank you."

A few hours later, Cameron stepped up on the scale and waited while Cuddy adjusted the scale, her eyes widening as she moved the marker to lower and lower weights. It finally stopped at 95. For Allison's 5'7" frame, the number placed her at a scarily low BMI. "Okay." She commented, trying to keep her voice neutral. Cameron slid her a sideways look.

"It's about 15, isn't it? I know it's bad." She reached out and squeezed Cuddy's hand. "But I've been worse."

"I'll need some blood." Cuddy struggled to stay professional with her skeletal co-worker, who out of House's team she was probably the closest with. Cameron nodded and sat back down. Cuddy grabbed the equipment, starting by taking her blood pressure. It was very low. Sighing, she tied the rubber band around Allison's upper arm and swabbed her inner elbow with alcohol. "Little pinch." Allison looked away as the needle went in, her mouth drawn. "Damn." Cuddy announced.

"What?" Cameron looked up at her.

"Your vein collapsed. I'll need a smaller needle." Cuddy pulled out the one she had in, chucking it and grabbing another one. Carefully she inserted it in a slightly different spot. "There." She popped the first vial in. "Let me know if you get dizzy." She looked up at Cameron, watching her face for any signs she might be feeling faint. She replaced the full vial with another. "We're going to do a full nutritional panel."

"I know."

"I know you do." Cuddy smiled a little, popping out the second vial and replacing it. "Last one for now."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here." Allison laid back against the bed as Lisa removed the needle. "I appreciate it."

Cuddy pulled up the blankets over her and smiled. "I'll always be here." She handed Allison a cup of juice mixed with water and asked her to sip a little. She was pretty pale. Cameron nodded.

"Okay." She took a few sips and started to fall asleep. Lisa gently took the cup from her and put it on the bedside table in easy reach. Silently she reached over and tucked the loose strands of Cameron's hair behind her ears. Then she went to drop off the blood samples.

"Come home with me." Cuddy burst out, as Cameron climbed out of bed, preparing to dress.

"Pardon?"

"Come stay with me." Cuddy begged. "I'm afraid of you being alone. At least for tonight." Cameron looked surprised.

"Really?" Lisa nodded.

"Please." The concern on the older woman's face was obvious.

"Alright. If you're sure." Allison nodded slowly. Lisa looked relieved.

"Thanks." She turned around so Allison could change. "I'll take good care of you."

"I know you will."

Allison smiled at the house as Lisa led her to it. "It's beautiful, Lisa."

"Thanks. I have a spare room set up and everything." Lisa assured her.

"Could…" Allison shook her head. "Never mind. That's silly."

"What?" Lisa's voice was twined with curiosity.

"I get cold." Allison looked up at her hopefully. "Could I share with you?"

"I guess so." Lisa wasn't sure how she felt about the concept. Housing Allison was one thing, sleeping with her was something entirely different. But she guessed Allison hadn't picked up on her tendencies.

"Thank you." Allison looked down at her toes. "You've been so wonderful to me." Lisa blushed.

"Like I said, we all need friends." She unlocked the door, and guided Allison inside. "If I make some dinner, will you eat some?" she questioned.

"I'll try." Allison said sincerely. "Could I sleep a bit though?" she looked exhausted.

"Of course." Lisa took her upstairs to the bedroom and tucked her in. "I'll bring you something when it's ready."

Allison woke to a wonderful aroma. "I made soup." Lisa announced, carrying two bowls on a tray. "Plain veggies and broth. Nothing else except spices, I promise." Ally smiled and sat up, taking the bowl that Lisa passed her.

"It smells wonderful." She complemented. Lisa climbed up on the bed beside her.

"Carrot, orange, and nutmeg. It's one of my favourites." She grinned. "Enjoy."

Allison made her way through the bowl quickly. It was nice to have someone who appreciated her need for control but who worked within the constraints to try and put her at ease while providing nutrition.

"Want some more?" Lisa asked when she noticed the bowl was empty. Allison shook her head.

"Sorry." She smiled ruefully. "It was delicious, but I'm stuffed."

"Okay." Lisa didn't push the subject. She'd eaten, and that was enough for the time being. "Want to watch a movie with me?"

"Sure." They made their way back downstairs again, Lisa stopping to drop the tray off in the kitchen.

"I have a pretty large selection." She opened a cabinet door, revealing tons of DVDs. "What do you like?" Allison looked through the shelves. She picked up one.

"Could we watch this?" she held up Garden State. "I've heard it's great, and has a happy ending, which I could use right now."

"Works for me." Lisa took it from her and stuck it into the DVD player. She turned to find Allison already curled on her couch under a blanket. "Warm enough?" she questioned. Allison nodded, so Lisa went over and curled up beside her. Allison moved so her head was on Lisa's thigh, using her as a pillow, and Lisa automatically placed a hand on her head, stroking her hair as they started watching the film. When it ended, she found that Allison was fast asleep and smiled. "Allison?" she murmured, receiving no response. She squeezed Allison's shoulder. "Allison, wake up."

"Mmm?" she raised her head slightly from Lisa's leg. "Oh. I fell asleep."

"Yeah." Lisa helped her to sit up. "Bed time, I think."

"Okay."

And with that they went to bed.


	2. For You

"Are you going to be able to work today?" Lisa asked, popping a grape into her mouth. Allison smiled into her coffee.

"Of course. I've done it before, I'll do it again."  
"I'm sure you will." Lisa shook her head ruefully. "Will you at least eat something?" She offered up a bowl of fruit. Her goal was to get Allison at least eating food three times a day before trying for calorie content. Allison reached out a thin arm and selected an apple.

"Just because it's you." She took a small bite. "May I shower?"

"Of course! And I'll find you a clean shirt, too."

"Thanks." Allison grinned shyly. "I slept really well last night. It helped to have you there."

Lisa blushed. "I'm glad." She replied, looking up at her new friend. "You can stay as long as you want, you know."

Allison examined her apple. "I don't want to impose." She took another little bite.

"It isn't an imposition." Lisa protested. "It's nice to have someone else here." Not to mention it meant she could keep an eye on her.

"Yeah?"

"Yes." Lisa informed her firmly.

"Well, thank you, then."

"Not a problem." Lisa poured herself another cup of coffee as she started munching on a pear.

"Hey, Cameron, you okay?" Chase questioned in concern as Allison walked into the elevator beside him. She'd been looking really thin lately, and when she'd disappeared, he'd been concerned. Cuddy had insisted she'd be back in a couple of days.

Allison smiled at him. "Yes, thanks. I just had a bug that took me out for a few days."

"I'm glad you're better." Chase squeezed her shoulder. They headed out of the elevator for House's office.

Allison was flipping through papers, a cup of coffee in hand, as an orange appeared in front of her. She looked up suspiciously. Chase stood in front of her looking confused. "Er…Cuddy asked me to give you this." He sat down in the chair across from her. Allison rolled her eyes and started peeling it.

"Want some?" she offered.

"Umm…sure." Chase still looked confused. "Can I ask the obvious question?"

"Go for it." Allison popped a piece of orange into her mouth.

"Why did Cuddy give you an orange?"

"How should I know?" Allison shrugged, and pushed half over to him.

"Can we stop at my place to get some stuff?" Allison asked as she climbed into Lisa's passenger seat.

"Yep. Just tell me where to go."

"I think you confused Chase, by the way." She joked as they drove out.

"I know." Lisa laughed. "The look on his face when I handed him the orange was priceless. Speaking of which, we'll need to get some groceries. What do you want for dinner?" Allison shrugged.

"Whatever you want is fine."

"How about…Salad with grilled chicken?"

"Sure."

Lisa watched as Allison tipped all her chicken into the garbage before putting the dishes in the dishwasher and groaned. "Allison, you need more calories than that." She went over and hugged the other woman gently. "You're getting nowhere near enough to even maintain your weight."

Allison hugged her back cautiously. "I know. It's just that even eating three times a day is hard for me. Let alone contemplating actual meals. I promise I'm trying."

"I can see you are." Lisa told her. She backed off a little. "I'm pushing too hard."

Allison smiled a little. "I need pushing." She pointed out. "I don't want to end up in hospital confined in bed with a tube in my nose, now do I?" Lisa shook her head.

"No. I won't let that happen."

"You might not have a choice."

The next day Allison blacked out again, luckily in Chase's presence. He put two and two together and called Lisa. "She passed out." He told her as she entered the room. "And you seem to know what's going on, so…"

"Thanks, Chase." Lisa smiled at him briefly before turning her attention to Allison. "You passed out again?" Allison nodded. "Let's get you home."

"I can take her." Chase offered.

"It's okay. I'm going to stay with her." Lisa informed him. He nodded, accepting that Cuddy knew more about the situation than he did.

"We have to up your calories, Allison." Lisa announced on the way back to her place. Allison didn't respond, but tears ran down her cheeks silently. "I'm going to get meal replacement drinks, alright? That's probably the easiest way."

"Yeah." Allison agreed quietly. "You don't have to stay with me, you know."

"I want to."

"But you're missing work because of me. It's bad enough that I'm out."

"I can do a lot from home." Lisa pointed out. "Maybe it would be good if you took some time off." She suggested gently. "You'd save more calories if you weren't moving so much."

"I don't want to gain weight." Allison replied petulantly.

"But you want to be able to work, right? You can't do that if you keep passing out. The only way to do that is to gain some weight and eat more regularly." Allison looked out the window in silence.

That night, as Lisa climbed into bed beside her bone-thin bed mate, she was surprised when a skinny arm snuck over her side. "I'm sorry, Lisa." Allison's voice whispered in her ear. Lisa put her hand over Allison's tiny one.

"I'm here because I want to be, sweetheart."

"I'll try and get better for you, I promise. No matter what it takes." Allison's cold lips brushed the back of Lisa's neck briefly, and Lisa shivered.

They drifted off like that, curled around one another.


	3. Just Try

Allison sat at the table with an apple core and a half-empty glass of Ensure in front of her, sipping on her coffee. Lisa eyed her over her own cup of coffee. "You have to finish it if you want to go in today, you know. I can't have you passing out again." Allison sighed.

"I know." She took another sip and grimaced. "Ugh, it's so thick and sweet!" she washed it down with some coffee.

"You could try doing it all at once and just get it over with." Lisa suggested. Allison shook her head.

"I'd just gag." She continued to alternate it with her coffee until it was finished. "There." She showed her empty glass to her friend.

"Good job" Lisa smiled at her. "Just remember we're adding about 750 calories to your diet, so you may gain a little initially because your metabolism is so low, but it's only because your body is so calorie-starved. Once your body adjusts, it'll be okay."

Allison looked up at her gratefully. "Thanks."

"Let's go." Lisa stood up, pausing to grab another can of Ensure from the fridge. "Here's lunch."

"I was hoping you'd forget." Allison grumbled as she put it in her purse.

"Sorry" Lisa grinned as she walked by. "No can do."

As much as she hated the stuff, Allison appreciated the extra energy the Ensure drinks gave her. It made it much easier to concentrate on her patients, something which she'd been sorely missing in the last couple of months. She had lunch with Chase just to make sure she drank it. "Nothing to eat?" he asked as she poured herself a coffee. She shook her head and pulled the can from her purse by way of explanation. Chase just looked happy to see something besides the coffee on her tray.

"Not today." She followed him to a table. "Thanks for catching me yesterday, by the way. I guess I hadn't recovered as well as I thought."

"You push yourself too hard." Chase smiled at her fondly.

Allison took a sip of the Ensure and made a face. "I love my job."

"Well you seem better today, at least." Chase couldn't remember the last time he had seen her with so much energy.

"I feel better." The banter made it easier for her to get through the drink.

"Guess what?" Allison smiled as she climbed into Lisa's car.

"What?"

"I made an appointment with my therapist." Allison announced. Lisa was shocked.

"Really?" Allison frowned at her. That wasn't quite the reception she'd expected.

"I told you I was going to do everything I could to get better." She said slowly.

"I…I know! I'm just surprised by how quickly you got on it. Good job, sweetie!" Lisa leaned over to give her a hug, trying not to panic at the feel of Allison's bones through her shirt. "When is it?"

"A week next Wednesday." Allison pulled out of the hug lazily. "I feel like I've been making more progress because of you than I ever did with therapy, so I'd like to keep trying it by itself for a bit before going back."

Lisa blushed. "Have I really been that helpful?" It was Allison's turn to look shocked.

"You took me into your house, let me share your bed, give me constant support and encouragement, and have me consuming an extra 750 calories a day just by asking." She said, confused. "I've just never had a friend who seemed to really care about me like you do." She admitted sadly. "It's nice."

Lisa reached over and squeezed her hand. "Well, good, because I'm not going anywhere." Allison squeezed back, comforted.

"I'm glad." She whispered.

That night it was Lisa who wrapped herself around Allison, cradling her pyjamad body in warmth. Allison sighed sleepily. "Hi Lis." She took Lisa's hand with her cold one and drifted back to sleep.

"Hi." Lisa smiled.

Three mornings later, Allison came out of the bathroom and climbed back into bed, her face tear-stained. "You found the scale." Lisa sighed sadly, propping herself up on an elbow. Allison nodded. "Come here." The younger woman cuddled into her arms, sobbing. "Shhhh." Lisa murmured, her chin on Allison's wet hair. Allison tucked her head onto Lisa's shoulder.

"I know it's the right thing to be doing" she hiccoughed, "but…"

"It's going to be hard for a while, love." Lisa kissed her forehead gently. "Maybe always."

"Yeah." Allison whispered.

"At least we don't have work today." Lisa pointed out. "What would take your mind off of all this?"

"Work." Allison chuckled wetly. Lisa rolled her eyes.

"How about we start with some breakfast in bed." She suggested.

"Sure. I'll get it. What do you want?"

"Whatever you feel like making." Lisa smiled. Allison re-appeared a little while later with a cafetière of coffee, a can of ensure, fruit salad, and toast.

"I get some of the fruit salad." Allison pointed out the two forks as she set the tray down.

They ended up spending much of the day in bed talking and reading, only getting up when Lisa finally suggested they go to the lake.

There they sat on the grass for a while, Lisa enjoying watching Allison joke and laugh, basking in the sun as she caught glimpses of the woman's old, spunky self. "Let's walk a little." Allison suggested, trying to pull Lisa up off the blanket. Lisa groaned.

"All right, all right." She gave in, allowing Allison to tug her up, and then pleased as she kept hold of her hand as they walked.

"It's so peaceful here." Allison sighed as they walked through the trees, watching the sun filter through them to create interesting patterns.

"Mmm" Lisa agreed, swinging their hands gently. Suddenly Allison shivered. "Cold?" Lisa asked. She nodded. Lisa shook out the blanket and wrapped it snugly around Allison's shoulders.

"Thanks." Allison smiled, putting her hand back in Lisa's. Lisa simply smiled in return. By the time they got back to the car, the sun was setting. "Want to watch?" Allison questioned.

"You're freezing." Lisa raised an eyebrow at her.

"We can watch from the car." Allison pointed out.

"Then sure."

Allison wrapped the blanket more securely around herself and then leaned her head on Lisa's shoulder as they settled in to watch the sunset. "This was a wonderful day, Lis."

"It was." Lisa kissed her hair gently.


	4. Discovery

"Allison?" Lisa rolled over to face the woman who was curled around her.

"Yes?"

Lisa paused for a moment, trying to consider how to best phrase her question. "I know you don't understand, but is there anything you can tell me about yourself that could give me some insight so I can help you more?"

"What do you mean?" Lisa could imagine Allison's brow wrinkling in the dark and smiled.

"Well, I don't know a lot about you for starters."

"I guess, in terms of eating…" Allison trailed off.

"It doesn't have to be just about that. You could just tell me about you." Lisa propped herself up on one elbow and gently took the other woman's hand in hers. Allison chuckled.

"I don't know what to tell you." She admitted.

"How about telling me about your family?" Lisa prompted.

"My parents live in Colorado." Allison started. "My brother lives in California. He's thirty-four and writes software. To be honest, I haven't been in touch with any of them in a long time. Not since…" she stopped for a moment, squeezing Lisa's hand. She took a deep breath. "When I was twenty, I fell in love. After nine months, John asked me to marry him. I said yes." She paused again. "Two months before the wedding, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We got married anyway, but he only lived six months." She smiled in the darkness. "They were the best six months of my life." She looked up at Lisa, her eyes sparkling. "It's because of him I decided to become a doctor. I couldn't save him, but I could save others." She looked down again. "House asked me once why I worked hard in medical school, when I could have got through using my looks. It was all for John."

Lisa could tell Allison didn't want her sympathy, just to tell the story. "Was that when you went into therapy?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. I've always been weird about food, but John took a lot of that away. When he died, my drive to stay healthy died too. When it got bad enough, I went into therapy. I refused admission to a treatment facility, instead forcing myself to gain enough to keep going. I stopped therapy 8 months ago, and I guess that's where things went wrong again." She stopped. "That's all I can really think of to tell you."

"Why do you distance yourself from people?"

"It makes it harder for them to hurt you. Besides, when would I have time for friends?"

"You have time for me." Lisa pointed out.

"You're different."

Lisa pulled the other woman towards her until Allison was under her chin, wrapping her arms around her. "Thank you for telling me." She felt Allison smile against her chest.

"You're easy to talk to, Lis."

"Why?" Allison turned so her ear was against Lisa's chest and she could hear her heart beating.

"You know how to react. You don't judge, you just care. You understand me."

Lisa laughed. "I'd never thought of myself as particularly understanding." she commented.

"You have to be a hard-ass. It's part of your job. It doesn't mean it's who you are."

"How few understand that." Lisa quipped.

"I think more people know it that you think." Allison's breathe tickled Lisa's chest above her night-dress. She shifted as the feeling tickled something inside of her.

"We should go to sleep." She pointed out, feeling slightly awkward.

"Okay." Allison commented affably, moving so she could rest her head on Lisa's shoulder and throwing an arm over her. Lisa wrapped her arm around Allison's back.

"Night, sweetie." She kissed her hair.

"Night." Allison responded sleepily, yawning. "You shouldn't feel weird, you know." She snuggled into Lisa's warmth. Lisa lay awake for a while, pondering the significance of the comment as she lay with Allison asleep in her arms.

Lisa was surprised when House banged his way into her office the next morning. "Yes?" she asked him, nonplussed.

He sat down in the chair across from her. "So what's the deal with Cameron?" Lisa looked back down at the papers in front of her.

"What do you mean?"

"You two have been driving to work together every day, which makes me think she's living with you." Lisa opened her mouth to reply, but House plunged ahead. "She's been passing out at work, and is noticeably underweight, and yet, while you're the one who treated her in the E.R., you don't seem to be doing anything about it. So, what is the deal with Cameron?"

"I really don't feel obligated to answer that question." Lisa replied firmly, standing up. "Now, will you get out of my office and down to the clinic where you're meant to be?"

"Is she your child substitute?" House continued. "Instead of a dog, you got Cameron?" He looked up at her questioningly.

"It's not like that." Lisa snapped. "Now get the hell out of my office!"

"Oooh, touchy subject." House crowed as he stood up. "So she is living with you."

"That is none of your business." Lisa informed him, moving to stand by the door.

"You might as well tell me, Cuddy, I'll figure it out anyway."

"I doubt it."

House whistled as he left her office. Lisa rolled her eyes and went to sit back down at her desk.

"What is it with women?" House mused as he sat with his legs propped up on Wilson's desk. "They seem to feel this insatiable need to save people."

Wilson raised his eyebrows. "We're doctors, House. We spend all of our time saving people. What's your point?"

"Cameron and Cuddy. Something is going on there."

Wilson shrugged. "They're friends. Why do you care?"

House took his legs down. "There's more to it than that, my friend." He leaned in. "They're living together."

Wilson laughed. "Yeah. Right, House."

"They drive to work together every day. Watch if you don't believe me."

Wilson looked uncertain. "Really?"

"Yup."

"Well, there are lots of reasons they could be doing that besides the fact that they're living together." He pointed out.

House grinned. "They're living together. Trust me."

"Lisa?" Wilson approached her carefully.

"Yes?" she turned and smiled at him. "How are you?"

"I'm good." He replied distractedly. "Listen. Are you and Dr. Cameron living together?"

Lisa sighed. "House talked to you, didn't he." She replied in an unimpressed tone.

"Yes." He admitted.

"Yes, James, Dr. Cameron is living with me. Not that it's anyone else's business or anything." She muttered.

He raised his hands. "I know, and I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again."

"I'd appreciate that."

"Take good care of her."

Lisa smiled, glad that Wilson understood the situation. "I'm trying."

"I know."


	5. Changing Pace

"People are asking questions." Lisa informed Allison as they stood at the counter together cutting vegetables for dinner.

"Well, I've been living here for two months. It was bound to happen some time. What do you think we should tell them?" Allison continued slicing an onion calmly. Lisa looked up at her, smiling. She was impressed by how far the young woman had come. While she had only gained 10 pounds, the change was visible, she ate 3 meals a day, albeit small ones, still drinking Ensure for lunch, which she probably would otherwise have skipped. Allison looked up at her and blushed. "What?"

"I was just thinking about how far you've come since you moved in." Lisa went back to her pepper. "You're doing really well."

"Thanks, Lis." Allison dumped her onion into the waiting oil and grabbed a carrot. "It means a lot to hear you say that. I know I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I'm doing better too." She smiled. "I'm still gaining weight."

"I know." Lisa said proudly. "But as to what we want to tell people, I was going to go with your opinion. It's more personal for you than me."

"I think it's pretty obvious what's wrong with me." Allison pointed out. "I'm quite happy to tell people you're helping me through a hard time, and that living together makes it easier."

Lisa nodded "Works for me." She leaned over to stir the rice. "Yum. This is going to be good."

"You want to slice the chicken? It kind of grosses me out." Allison held up the package of raw meat.

"Sure." Lisa took it, chuckling, as she pushed the rest of the veggies towards Allison.

"It's like we're married or something." Allison joked. It was Lisa's turn to blush.

"Lis?" Lisa was surprised to hear Allison's voice by her ear as she'd thought she was asleep. She turned over quickly.

"Allison? What's…" Allison put a finger to her lips gently, and then leaned forward to brush them hers. She moved her cold hand down Lisa's arm to find her fingers, which she intertwined with her own.

"Just that" She whispered, her face still very close. Lisa could feel her breath tickling her cheek. Slowly Lisa lifted her free hand to brush the loose strands of hair back from Allison's face, then used her fingers to trace her way down her cheek, and across her lips. Allison closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. Finally, Lisa leaned in and kissed her, smiling as Allison responded.

"Are you sure about this?" she murmured gently as they pulled apart, studying Allison's face. She didn't want to take advantage of her vulnerable friend.

"As sure as I've ever been about anything" Allison brushed her lips across Lisa's again.

This time when they lay down they were facing one another, their hands still entwined as they drifted off to sleep.

When Lisa woke up the next morning, Allison was still fast asleep, a smile on her face. She was content to lay there and watch her until the other woman woke up a few minutes later and the smile on her face grew. "Hi, Lis." She murmured sleepily, as she snuggled closer.

"Hi, Ally." Lisa kissed her as she came closer.

"I get a nick name?" Allison seemed delighted by the concept.

"It suits you."

"Thank you." Ally tilted her head so she could kiss Lisa again. "I love waking up to you."

Lisa smiled. "I love waking up to you, too. I just never imagined you would feel the same way."

"I've been attracted to you for a long time." Ally admitted. "But I look like a walking skeleton. It took me a long time to build up to last night. Why would you want me?"

"Because you're amazing" Ally blushed deeply, and cuddled into Lisa's chest, embarrassed. Lisa laughed and put her arms around her. "And you're all mine." She murmured.


	6. Love Is

"So you want to know why I'm living with Lisa?" Ally demanded as she strode into House's office, ignoring the presence of both Foreman and Chase. House looked vaguely amused by the incensed expression on her face.

"So you two _are_ living together."

"Yes."

"No, that's all I wanted to know, thanks." House moved to hand her a file. "Wait." He kept holding on to the other end as Ally tried to pull it away. "Are you sleeping together?"

"None of your damn business" House let go and Ally fell over backwards, landing on the floor.

"House! Was that really necessary?" Chase chastised him as he ran over to help Ally.

House shrugged. "Not really. But rather entertaining. She's cute when she's all pissed off." Ally stalked off to pour herself a cup of coffee before opening the file.

"If I make reservations, do you want to eat out tonight?" Ally questioned around Lisa's door. Lisa gestured her in, smiling.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I think it'll be fun. We can get dressed up and enjoy a nice meal together."

"Are you inferring we don't cook well?" Lisa joked.

"Not at all"

"Then that sounds wonderful." Ally grinned.

"Great. I'll come find you later." She came around the desk to kiss Lisa gently on the cheek. "See you later, Lis." She whispered, before disappearing into the hallway.

"Look at you!" Lisa grinned from ear to ear as Ally came down her stairs, dressed in a deep turquoise sweater dress, black tights, and black velvet stilettos.

"You like it?" Ally twirled at the bottom, silver glittering at her earlobes.

"Yes." Lisa pulled her close. "I like it a lot." Ally kissed her soundly.

"Well you look pretty hot yourself, Lis." She informed her boss, who was outfitted in a tight, dark red silk dress with a slit which exposed just what Ally wanted to see. Lisa smiled.

"I'm glad." She offered Ally her hand. "Shall we? I still don't know where we're going!"

"All in due course" Ally winked.

They ended up at a lovely Italian restaurant which Ally told Lisa was one of her favourites. Lisa proudly watched as Ally made her way through three courses, even trying to struggle through a chocolate mousse for dessert.

"Don't force yourself if it will make you sad." She stroked Ally's hand over the table.

Ally looked sad that Lisa had noticed she was having a hard time. "It's really good. It's just a lot." She spoke resignedly, laying down her spoon.

Lisa smiled at her. "It's been a great night, Ally. Thank you."

"Just wait until we get home!" Ally grinned, the mousse forgotten.

"Stay here until I come and get you." Ally left Lisa in the living room and disappeared off upstairs. A few minutes later she returned. "Okay." She took Lisa's hand and led her to the bedroom, a smile lighting her face as she opened the door. Lisa's reaction was exactly what she'd hoped for. The lights were out, the room lit by candles floating in bowls of water on various surfaces. A huge vase of white lilies stood on the side table (Ally had gotten this hint from Wilson), while beside the bed, a bottle of champagne was on ice beside two beautiful champagne flutes.

"Oh my God, Ally." Lisa murmured as she stepped forward into the room. "It's beautiful." Ally squeezed her hand happily.

"I'm so glad you like it."

"I_ love_ it." Lisa clarified, collapsing onto the bed. "No one's ever done something like this for me before."

"Well, it's about time someone did, then." Ally sat down more delicately beside her. "Champagne?" she asked quietly.

"Yes please!"

"Come here." Ally teased, holding up a glass of champagne at the other end of the bed. Lisa giggled.

"As if I'd stay away" She curled up beside Ally against the pillows. "Thank you so much, Ally. This is amazing." She gestured helplessly to the room around her. Ally kissed her gently.

"My pleasure." She clicked her flute against Lisa's. "To us" Lisa smiled and took a sip of the champagne.

A few glasses of champagne later, a more-than-a-little-drunk Lisa explored her way down Ally's body with her lips. Ally rolled her over so she was on the bottom. "That tickles" she admonished, before kissing Lisa and releasing champagne from her own mouth into hers. She wrapped her arm around Lisa's waist, entangling the other in her black curls. Teasingly, she bit her way down Lisa's neckline until she could access her nipples. Lisa gasped as Ally played with her breasts briefly before attacking her mouth again.

"You are a naughty girl." Lisa informed her. "I like that." Ally giggled happily.

"And here you thought I was innocent"

Lisa licked a finger and rubbed it lightly over Ally's clit. She fell back and moaned. Lisa raised an eyebrow. "Not too innocent" she grinned as she proceeded to explore Ally further.

Ally whimpered a little in her sleep as Lisa left her briefly to blow out the candles around the room. She returned quickly. It was cold outside of the bed, and she gathered Ally to her as she rearranged the blankets around them. Lightly, she brushed her lips across Ally's before settling down beside her. "I promise to do my best to love you and tell you just how wonderful you are each and every day" she whispered to the sleeping woman.

Ally woke alone, reaching for Lisa to find her absent and sat up quickly, looking around. She found a note on Lisa's pillow and smiled.

_Breakfast is waiting downstairs. _

_Love,_

_L_

Smiling, she climbed out of bed, pulling on yoga pants and a sweater before making her way to the kitchen. "Good timing." Lisa informed her as she meandered into the kitchen. She was making crèpes. Ally made her way over and kissed her happily before both pouring herself a cup of coffee and refilling Lisa's.

"What do we have here?" she requested.

"Whole-wheat crepes to be filled with strawberry purée and mixed berries"

"I can't wait." Ally wrapped her arms around Lisa's waist as she cooked, her chin resting on Lisa's shoulder. They stayed that way until the crèpes were finished.


	7. Repetition

_AN: Just a quick reply to anon's comments: I also have an eating disorder, and am basing this fiction off of my own experiences. While my ED has broken a lot of my relationships, I've also connected with people because of it. We all experience things differently, I guess. At the same time, I take your point, and will try and work more of Allison's issues into the story._

Lisa looked surprised as Ally ran by her and up the stairs, tears streaming down her face. "Ally?" she called, concerned. Ally didn't stop, but Lisa found her sobbing on the bed. "Baby, what happened?" she asked, rubbing the other woman's back. Ally shook her head.

"Not now, Lis. Let me calm down a little." Lisa sat beside her silently until Ally had cried herself out. Then she reached out tentatively to stroke the other woman's hair. Ally turned to face her. "They want me admitted to an in-patient program." She sniffled.

"Because you aren't gaining?" she asked. Ally nodded. Lisa thought for a moment. It could be a good idea. Ally had been doing really well initially, but she hadn't gained weight in over a month and her BMI was still dangerously low. On the other hand, Ally could react badly to confinement, gain weight, and then lose it as soon as she left the facility. Lisa sighed. "I don't know, sweetheart." She shook her head. Ally's eyes widened.

"You agree?" she hissed, her face transforming from desolate to livid.

"No." Lisa insisted. "I want what's best for you. If you don't think that program will work for you, then we'll find something else that will. But you _need_ to gain more weight, Ally!" Ally climbed off the bed and started pacing.

"I won't go to a facility."

"No one is going to make you." Lisa tried to approach her, but Ally shrugged her off.

"I'm not sick, Lisa." she pleaded. "Look at me. I function. I go to work, I have a relationship with you. Just because I weigh less than other people…" Lisa stopped her.

"I know you're trying, Ally." She said calmly. "But it's not enough. You haven't gained weight the entire month we've been going out. You're nutrients are low. Your heart is in danger." Ally started looking like she was going to cry again. "You deserve to be healthy, Ally."

"I'm trying to be healthy!" Ally exploded at her. "God, Lisa. You see me day after day after day, trying to eat. How can you be saying this to me?"

"Because I care about you, Allison!" Lisa yelled back. "I don't want you to _die_! Don't you understand? The amount of stress you're putting on your body could kill you!" She tried to level her voice out. "I see how hard you try. But I also see what you can't; the risk you're taking. Now, I've told you that I'll stand by whatever decision you make. But something needs to change. We need to find _something_ that will help you." She turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. Through the wood she could hear Ally come and sit against the other side.

"I'm sorry, Lis." The voice trembled. "I'm sorry for putting you through this."

Lisa sighed. "I told you I'm here because I want to be. I love you. That isn't going to change just because you yell at me." She stood up and opened the door. A tearful Ally looked up at her. Lisa offered her her hands and pulled her upright, wrapping her arms around the thin woman.

"Will you help me look up out-patient programs after dinner?" Ally asked, leaning her head against Lisa's chest. Lisa smiled.

"Of course I will, sweetheart."

That night, as she lay with her body curled around Ally's, Lisa wondered to herself. What was it that Ally needed to be able to gain weight? Was it just a firm hand and a plan? She realised that even once Ally was out of danger, it would be a lifelong struggle for her to maintain a healthy weight.

A week later, Lisa started at the Smithbrooke Centre as an out-patient. She was assigned a program which would include a meal plan, weight gain goals, and weekly consultation with a nutritionist and psychologist. There were also group meetings on different topics she could choose to attend if she wanted. The idea behind the centre was not only re-feeding, but also an attempt to fundamentally change self-perception.

"It's a lot of food." Ally said disappointedly as she stuck her new meal plan to the fridge.

Lisa squeezed her hand supportively. "I know. It's going to take some getting used to." She had agreed to follow the plan as well so as to better support Ally.

Ally smiled nervously. "But I'll get better now, right?" Lisa nodded.

"You'll get better now." She echoed.


	8. Failure

But Ally didn't get better. She cried through most of her meals and was often in pain afterwards as her stomach tried to re-expand. Sometimes she got ill. After a week, Lisa pulled her doctor out into the hallway alone. "This is making her worse."

"It takes a while to adjust." He started.

"I'm a doctor too. She's not adjusting. She's losing more weight because of this! She throws half of it up!"

"Intentionally?" Lisa shook her head. The doctor sighed. "We can try and adjust her menu, maybe raise her calories more slowly."

"Thank you." Lisa followed him back into the room. Ally looked up at her dully.

"We're going to adjust your menu, Allison. Try and make it so you can keep it all down."

"Thanks, Lis." Ally leaned against her as they walked back to the car. She looked exhausted, and Lisa had made her take some time off of work. Lisa stopped and wrapped her arms around her, cradling her gently.

"I'm so scared, Ally." She whispered, her voice cracking. "You've lost most of the weight you gained." Ally nodded, tears leaking down her cheeks too.

"I'm scared too." She admitted. "It's never been like this before, where I tried to eat and couldn't."

"Well, he added more easy-to-digest foods, so maybe it'll be better this time." Lisa tried to be positive. Ally smiled wanly.

"I hope so. I'm so tired." She took Lisa's hand. "I just want this to go away so we can be happy."

"I know sweetie." They started walking to the car again.

"Do you think I can go back to work?" Ally asked when Lisa came home one night. "I'm lonely here."

"You've been keeping everything down." Lisa considered. "Are you strong enough?"

"I think so." Ally smiled. "And I gained the weight back."

Lisa grinned and hugged her. "You're amazing." Ally blushed at the praise.

"It's only because you told the doctor what I needed."

"I've known you longer." Lisa padded after Ally into the kitchen. "What's for dinner?" She lifted the lid of a stew pot.

"Chicken and rice?" she asked.

"Yeah. With lentils." Ally pulled down two bowls and put them on the counter. "There's a baguette somewhere around too."

She was cheerful as they drove into the hospital the next day. "Missing House, you must have been lonely!" Lisa joked.

Ally shrugged. "I think I just missed work." She said honestly. "I need things to do." She kissed Lisa chastely as they walked towards the building. "Meet me for lunch?"

"My office." They went their separate ways.

"Hey, Cameron. I was beginning to think we were going to have to replace you." House said sarcastically as she entered the room. Ally ignored him and greeted the other two instead. Chase at least seemed genuinely happy she was back.

"You're looking good." He commented as they went to visit their newest patient. Ally rolled her eyes at him. He coughed. "Well, you're looking better than you were."

"Yeah, the giant circles under my eyes are gone and I've stopped puking everything up." She joked.

Chase tried to smile and failed. He turned and put a hand on her shoulder, halting her. "Are you okay, Cameron?" She smiled at him.

"No, but I'm working on it" She shrugged off his hand and continued down the hallway. "Let's go." she called over her shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah." Chase followed after.


	9. Problems

"How about these?" Lisa called into the bathroom. They were at Ally's apartment, collecting her more sentimental items before she listed the place for sale. Ally wandered out to see what she had found. "This one's beautiful." Lisa held up a framed photo. Ally encircled her with an arm to see which one she was looking at. The photo was of her when she was perhaps eleven, dressed in a pale blue and white ballet outfit, netting skirt draping neatly over her extended leg while one delicate arm was in mid air in front of her and the other lifted above her head. "I didn't know you used to dance."

_It was her winter recital, and Ally was afraid. More than anything else she feared going on stage and doing something wrong. Missing a step, or not holding herself properly. She'd been eating carefully for more than a month, wanting to look appropriately delicate. She felt a flutter of panic as the music started, and then began her perfectly practiced solo piece. She smiled as she came off. It had gone well. She waited in the lobby for her mother with a group of friends, enjoying the respite of having accomplished something. "Allison!" Her mother called. "Let's go." Ally beamed._

"_Mom, did you see? It went well." _

"_Yes, Ally. I saw." Her mother said impatiently. "Now I have to get your brother to his soccer practice. Let's go." _

"_There's a party. Can't I…"her mother cut her off._

"_Not this time." Sighing, Ally waved goodbye to her friends and followed her mother out the door. _

"_Did Dad come?" _

"_He had work to do." Ally's happiness was gone as quickly as it had come. _

"Yeah." She murmured, turning away. "I used to."

"Were you good?" Lisa questioned. "I was hopeless at that type of thing."

Ally nodded. "My teacher thought so." She turned to a pile of linen and started packing it into a box. Lisa started gathering up the photos, looking through them happily as she stacked them.

"Ready?"

"Yep." Ally smiled. "Let's go."

Back at the house, she placed her photos in among Lisa's, pausing as she reached the one of her in her ballet costume, inspecting it. Her long hair was pulled into a neat bun which was covered in glitter, and her blue eyes sparkled with silver eye shadow. She looked happy. Sighing, she put the picture at the front. She could be happy again.


	10. Health and Beauty

"I did it." Ally stepped of the scale in shock. Lisa hugged her voraciously.

"You did it!" Nine months after moving in with Lisa, Ally had reached 120 pounds, putting her just within a healthy weight range.

"Now I just have to keep it there. That's going to be the hard part." Ally pointed out. Lisa hugged her again.

"You'll have to want it" She agreed. Ally nodded.

"Yeah" she didn't sound too sure of herself, mostly because she wasn't. A healthy weight was something she'd spent most of her life avoiding. Lisa seemed to notice her silence.

"You'll get used to it." She tried to reassure her girlfriend, rubbing her arm gently.

"Yeah" Ally tried to smile and failed before turning and leaving the bathroom. She climbed into bed and curled up in a ball. Lisa followed her, worried.

"Ally?"

"I need to be alone for a little while, Lis." Ally whispered dully.

"Okay" Lisa walked quietly to the door. "Call me if you want company."

Ally stayed in bed a long time. She couldn't understand how the goal she'd been aiming for for so long could feel so awful.

She woke up to a hand petting her hair. "Hey sweetie." Lisa murmured as she opened her eyes.

"Hey."

"I saved some lunch for you."

Ally looked surprised. "What time is it?"

"About two." Ally sat up and cuddled up to her.

"Thank you." She kissed Lisa's cheek lightly. "After I eat do you want to do something with our day off?" Lisa nodded.

"That would be nice." Ally jumped off the bed and reappeared a few moments later with a bowl of stew.

"So what do you want to do?" She questioned, blowing on a spoonful. Lisa put down her book and smiled.

"Well…I was thinking you deserved a present." She started. "So I made appointments."

"Appointments."

"We're getting facials at 4." Lisa informed her.

Ally grinned. "I've never been to a spa." She admitted.

"Oh, they're wonderful. Don't worry." Lisa launched into descriptions of steam rooms and hot tubs.

"It sounds great." Ally hugged her. "Thank you."

After their facials they sat in the whirlpool. "Why have I never done this before?" Ally murmured, her head leaning back against the side. Lisa laughed.

"Really relaxing, right?" Ally nodded.

"So relaxing, and nice, and warm."

"I discovered spas at this conference I went to." Lisa told her. "We got a choice between that and golf. I hate golf." She grinned. "Turned out I made a good decision."

Ally lifted her hand out of the water. "We should probably get out soon." She sighed. "I'm becoming a prune."

"Me too." Lisa dragged herself over to the steps and climbed out, followed by Ally.

Lisa's present didn't stop there. She attempted to ban Ally from the kitchen while she cooked an amazing dinner, finally settling to have Ally keep her company and drink a glass of wine. Her goal for the day was to have Ally fall asleep feeling beautiful at a healthy weight. An hour and a half later, she and a slightly drunk, but seemingly content Ally settled down to a candle-lit salmon dinner.

"Close your eyes" Lisa instructed. Ally giggled as she felt Lisa removing her clothes.

"What are you doing?" she begged. Lisa smiled.

"Just wait. Arms up." Ally lifted her arms above her head and was surprised to feel satin slide down her body. "Now look." Lisa smiled as Ally looked at herself in wonder. "I want you to see how beautiful you are" Lisa whispered in her ear. Ally took her hand and Lisa spun her in a circle in front of the mirror. Ally smiled.

"It's gorgeous, Lis. Thank you!" She threw her arms around the other woman. Lisa laughed.

"I'm glad you like it. I thought the colour would suit you." She surveyed the beautiful woman before her. "Come on." She pulled Ally onto the bed. Ally bit her lip. "You really think I'm pretty?" she asked shyly.

"Yes!" Lisa exclaimed indignantly. Ally wrapped her arms around her neck placatingly, kissing her.

"I love you, Lis." She whispered, comfortable against Lisa's chest. Lisa caressed her gently through the satin.

"I love you more than you can imagine" She said sincerely, kissing her way down Ally's neck. Ally sighed contentedly, moving one hand from the base of Lisa's neck to venture under her shirt. Lisa straddled her, leaning forward so Ally could more easily pull off her shirt, and then kissed her deeply. Ally grabbed her ass tightly, moving her forwards so she could work on her pants' buttons. Lisa grinned. "Are my clothes in your way?" Ally raised an eyebrow.

"Not for long." She removed Lisa's jeans quickly. Lisa shook her head.

"I can't believe I once thought you sweet and innocent." She joked. Ally grinned.

"But you know you like me better like this."

Lisa raised her hands in mock surrender. "Hey, I have _no_ complaints about our sex life." Ally cocked her head to one side and smiled.

"I'm glad." She pushed Lisa off her and climbed on top of her, sliding blue satin straps from her shoulders.


	11. Playing Games

The rest of the team was amazed by the change in Ally's character over the next few months. The waif was replaced by a nymph. Ally's personality ventured into the open. She laughed, joked, and was left un-offended and non-defensive in the face of House's usually incendiary comments. They assumed the improvement in her health and finding a friend in Cuddy had been good for her. They didn't bother asking questions, but instead just enjoyed the change.

Lisa was simply pleased to see Ally maintaining her weight within the healthy range and seeming happy in spite of it. She didn't gain any more, but Lisa and her doctors didn't push it. She was as healthy as she'd been in a long time, and that was what mattered. She wasn't in danger any more.

"Lis?" Ally questioned as she drank her morning coffee.

"Mmm?" Lisa's mouth was full of toast.

"I was thinking. Would you be up for having some people over for drinks?" Ally looked nervous. "It's just...I don't think Chase and Foreman even know we live together, and I think Wilson is the only person who has figured out we're dating."

"Sure." Lisa shrugged. Ally looked relieved.

"Okay. I just know you don't socialise overly much and…" Lisa cut her off.

"Ally, it'll be fun. You take Chase and Foreman, I'll take the other two."

Ally grinned in response.

They stopped to pick up supplies on the way home from work.

"It's open!" Lisa called as her doorbell rang. Ally was putting out food in the kitchen while she attempted to locate more than the two wine glasses they usually used. Wilson wandered in carrying a bottle of wine and some food, followed by House, who looked grumpy about his presence at the event.

Lisa stood up, triumphant in her search for the glasses and smiled. "Wine?" she offered.

"Please." House accepted. "Why am I here?" he whined at Wilson.

"Because you were invited" Wilson informed him. "And it isn't as though you were doing something else."

Lisa grinned and pushed a glass towards each of them. "Drink up."

The doorbell rang again. "Come in!" Four voices called.

Chase stuck his head around the door tentatively. "Seriously?" House continued to whine. "I have to hang out with him?"

"Shut up and drink" Lisa frowned at him severely. Ally grinned and passed her a glass of wine.

In the end, the evening was quite pleasant as Lisa discovered that it was fun to hang out with her colleagues and not always have to act as boss. They drank far too much wine and ended up sitting around the living room playing poker for money.

"I'm awful at this" Chase announced. "I fold."

"Me too" Lisa followed suit, putting down her cards and leaning her head against Ally's shoulder.

"Well, I raise you ten" Ally shoved another bill into the pile.

"I see your ten." Foreman added his to the pile.

"I see your ten" Wilson placed his delicately on top. House glared at the two of them.

"Hmm." He pushed another bill in. "I see your ten." They all put their cards down. Ally groaned.

"Wilson, you suck" she informed him.

"No way" House said incredulously. "Wilson can't win at poker!"

"He just did" Ally glowered at him. House made a noise of disgust. Wilson just grinned.

"I think I've lost enough money for the evening" Chase concluded, standing up to leave. "You want a ride, Cameron? I didn't see your car outside." he offered.

She winced. "Chase, I live here with Lisa."

"You do?" he was evidently surprised.

House rolled his eyes. "Don't you remember that day when she came storming in demanding why I cared?"

"I thought Cuddy was taking care of her while she was sick. I thought that's what she was mad about."

"God you're dumb" House informed him. Foreman sensibly stayed silent, as did Wilson.

Chase shrugged "Cool. I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Thanks for coming!" Ally smiled.

"No problem. It was fun." He waved and headed out. Foreman soon followed suit. Wilson helped them carry plates and glasses into the kitchen.

"Want a hand cleaning up?" he questioned.

"Don't worry about it" Lisa opened the dishwasher. "Have another glass of wine." Being Wilson, he helped them anyway while House had another glass of wine.

Finally, it was just Ally and Lisa in the living room having a last glass of wine before bed. "Thanks for suggesting that." Lisa leaned back against Ally. "It was more fun than I thought it would be."

"I'm glad" Ally played with her hair gently. "I get the feeling I'm going to be hounded for explanations tomorrow."

"Yeah" Lisa smiled. "For such smart people, you're team-mates miss quite a bit."

"Did you try Wilson's salad? The dressing was amazing."

"His cooking usually is" Lisa sighed, putting her glass down. "Well, I need to go to bed. You coming?"

Ally nodded. "I'll just stick these in the dishwasher."

"Cameron!" Chase hurried after her down the hallway. "Wait up!" Ally paused and turned around to wait for him to catch up.

"What's up, Chase?" they started walking towards House's office again.

"How long have you been living with Cuddy?"

Ally sighed. "A year and...three months." Chase's eyes bugged out.

"Oh"

"The question you should be asking is how long they've been sleeping together for" House informed him as they walked into the office. Ally rolled her eyes. Chase didn't ask.


	12. Baby, baby

Lisa curled up next to Ally who was reading on the couch. "Can I talk to you about something?" Ally smiled and took off her glasses.

"Always"

Lisa took a deep breath. "You've probably guessed from House's crude jokes that I want children" she started. Ally nodded encouragingly. "And I'm getting older, and now that you're better, I was wondering what you'd think about me trying to have a baby." She searched Ally's face nervously.

Ally sighed sadly, and took her hand. "Lis, I think it's great you want to have a baby, and I'm totally supportive. I just want to make sure you know that I'm not better." She looked down at her lap. "I'm just within a healthy weight range. I'm barely in recovery."

"You've been healthy for over a year now!"

"I've been in a healthy weight range for a year, Lis." Ally insisted. "Psychologically…" she stopped. "I just don't know that it would be healthy for me to be part of raising your child." Lisa finally understood.

"Your anorexia isn't gone." She said dully. Ally shook her head.

"No-one is ever called an ex-anorexic, Lis. You're dubbed a 'recovered anorexic' because it's a recurring disorder. I've had some form of it for as long as I can remember. I don't think I'll ever be completely normal about food, or feel normal about my weight, or happy about my appearance. My self-image is distorted." She shrugged. "I'm the happiest I've been in eight years though." She squeezed Lisa's hand.

Lisa looked like she was about to cry. "I wanted to ask you to be a legal guardian." Ally went into shock.

"W-why?"

"I've never cared about anyone like I care about you. I wanted it to be _our_ baby."

"You really think I'd make a good parent for a child?" Ally questioned, still in shock. "You aren't worried I'd somehow…I don't know…model self-destructive behaviour?" Lisa chuckled.

"We all have our problems, Ally. God knows I have mine. All I ask is that you love our child like you love me."

"I don't think that would ever be a problem, legal guardian or no."

Lisa lifted her chin with a finger. "Would you be the legal guardian of my baby?" she asked softly.

Mutely, Ally nodded.

"Good." Lisa whispered, moving to lie down in Ally's lap.

"I'm thinking this means it's my turn to take care of you." Ally joked, wrapping an arm around her. Lisa smiled.

"I guess so."

She spent the next two weeks undergoing a series of fertility treatments in preparation for the procedure. In the meantime, they investigated possible donors.

Finally, the time for the in vitro came around. They both booked long weekends and spent them driving back and forth between the clinic and the house for the multiple procedures that had to take place. Then there was nothing to do but wait to see if pregnancy occurred.

Lisa's period didn't come. They sat in the bathroom with baited breath waiting to see if a blue line appeared. It did.

A huge smile lit Ally's face as she saw the line appear. "Lis!" she squealed "You're having a baby!!!"

"_We're_ having a baby" Lisa replied tearfully, wrapping her arms around her. "Oh my God. I'm pregnant." Ally rocked her back and forth.

"You're going to be a Mom." She whispered into Lisa's hair.

Life became busier and busier as the pregnancy progressed. There were doctor's appointments to go to for both of them, room decorating to be done, and cravings to be satisfied. While Lisa glowed, Ally became withdrawn and stressed again. It was Wilson who noticed she was losing weight.

"Ally?" he approached her in the hallway of the hospital. "Can I borrow you for a second?"

"Of course" she followed him into his office obediently.

"Take the afternoon off and come out for lunch with me. We need to talk." Ally sighed.

"Okay" she said resignedly.

"I'll tell House." She nodded silently.

"You're losing weight again." He said as they waited for the first course to arrive. "You look exhausted. What's up?"

"My girlfriend is having a baby. It's a little stressful" Allly defended herself grumpily.

"You can't take care of her if you don't take care of you first" Wilson chided her.

"I'm trying!"

"How much have you lost?" He asked her quietly.

"Ten pounds"

"Ally!" he exclaimed "Does Lisa know?" Ally shook her head.

"She hasn't noticed yet. Only you have." Wilson grumbled.

"Well you and I are going to be having a lot more lunches. Someone needs to be taking care of you while your focus is elsewhere."

"I should be able to do both at once." Ally argued.

"Something is bothering you" Wilson eyed her. "What is it?" Ally looked away.

"She asked me to be a legal guardian" she murmured. Then: "_Why_ would she do that?" she asked desperately. "I can barely keep myself healthy. I have no right to be raising a child! What is she thinking?! And what was I thinking when I _accepted!_"

"Ahh" Wilson nodded. "I see." They were both silent as the waitress put down their appetizers. "You're afraid you're going to screw things up." Ally nodded and started into her salad.

"What if I lose more weight? What if I get sick again? She can't care for me and a baby, and I certainly wouldn't be any help if I'm falling apart!"

"Lisa thought about all of that, Ally" he told her gently. "And do you really think I'd stand by and let things fall apart around you? Do you think House would?"

"He has before" Ally snorted, poking at the lettuce on her plate. "But no, you're right. I know you wouldn't. That's why we're here" she gestured to the restaurant around them.

"Yes, it is" Wilson smiled. She smiled back.

"Thanks, James. Sometimes I need to be told how ridiculous I'm being."

They enjoyed the rest of the meal in more pleasant conversation before driving back to the hospital.

"Where have you two been?" Lisa demanded as they walked in the door. Ally looked surprised.

"James took me out for lunch" she smiled, kissing Lisa gently with a hand on her gradually expanding belly.

"You're taking good care of my girl?" Lisa asked Wilson possessively.

"I'm trying" he remarked, raising his eyebrows.

"Good." Lisa sighed. "Well, I need to go harass House, so I'll see you two later." She kissed Ally and strode off down the hallway.

"I should go too" Ally sighed. "I think I'll need to be mediating in a few minutes. But thanks for lunch and everything."

Wilson nodded. "Take care of yourself" he called after her as she walked off down the hallway.

"I'm trying!" she called back, grinning.


	13. We All Fall Down

It was Chase who found her, wandering around the park in the rain. "Cameron!" he called, pulling over his car and running towards her, opening an umbrella as he went. Wilson had been right.

"Cameron!" he put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him in a daze.

"Chase." She murmured. "What are you doing here?"

He pulled his jacked off and wrapped it around her. She was soaked, and shivering. "Looking for you." He wrapped an arm around her thin shoulders and pulled her under the umbrella. "God, you're freezing!" he exclaimed, and rubbed her arms through his coat worriedly. "Let's get back to the hospital." He guided her towards his car. She followed calmly. He tucked her into the front seat and closed the door, running around to the driver's side to turn on the car and heat full blast. Then he called Wilson. "I've got her." He eyed Ally with worry. "She's soaking. I'm bringing her in. I think she might have hypothermia."

Wilson met them at the entrance to the hospital, taking in with shock Ally's appearance. She was pale, her lips almost blue, and she looked dwarfed by Chase's coat. He hadn't realised how thin she looked until now. "Let's get her warmed up." He said, leading the way into the hospital.

"Where's Cuddy?" Chase asked tentatively.

"On her way." Wilson replied tersely, leading Ally into a room. "Ally?" Ally looked up at him as though hearing him from a distance. "I need you to put this on for me." He handed her a hospital gown and led her to where he could close the curtain around her. Sighing with relief he heard her begin to undress. "Thank God you found her." He looked gratefully at Chase. "I haven't been watching her closely enough."

Chase looked down. "None of us have." He busied himself with the heating pads Wilson had already brought into the room, placing them on the bed and laying a blanket on top. Ally wandered out from behind the curtain. Through the gown, they could both see how thin she had become. Wilson helped her into the bed carefully, tucking blankets around her waiflike body.

"Better?" he asked gently. She nodded.

"Warm."

Wilson smiled. "Good." Ally's eyes fluttered shut. Wilson stroked her hair tenderly. He turned to Chase. "I'm going to go intercept Lisa. Can you stay with her?" Chase nodded.

Wilson ran into Lisa as she was halfway to Ally's room, her stomach protruding in front of her. "How is she?" she asked him desperately.

"Warming up." He assured her. "She'll be okay." Then: "How did you get it get this far?"

Lisa was taken aback. "What?"

Wilson was angry, both with himself and her. "Can't you see how thin she is?! She's been losing weight for months! She needs to go into treatment!"

Lisa's eyes filled with tears. "I've been getting her to eat as much as she can." Wilson softened and wrapped his arms around the other woman.

"She needs to be in a hospital. I've been trying too, but we can't give her enough. Today is a perfect example of that. She needs to be kept safe."

Lisa backed away, shaking her head. "I promised I'd never make her go there." She murmured, tears streaming down her face.

"She has to or I'm afraid we're going to lose her." Wilson informed her seriously.

Lisa sighed and nodded. "I know." She whispered. Then, "can I see her?"

Wilson took her to the room down the hall where Ally lay sleeping. Chase stood as they entered. "I put her on an IV drip. She's dehydrated, and I'm sure her electrolytes are out of whack." Lisa nodded sadly and made her way to Ally's bed, placing a hand on top of her girlfriend's thin one.

"Thank you." She murmured. Ally looked up at her tiredly.

"Hey, Lis." She smiled gently. Lisa's eyes filled with tears again.

"Hey, Ally." Her voice cracked, and she sat down in the chair Chase had previously been occupying.

"Shhh." Ally whispered, lifting a frail hand to wipe her tears away. "I'm sorry."

Lisa shook her head. "No, I'm sorry, Ally. I wasn't paying enough attention. I've been too concentrated on the baby."

Ally shook her head gently. "I'm good at hiding, Lis. Even from you. You couldn't have known it was this bad."

"We're going to have to put you into a treatment program, sweetie." Lisa told her softly.

"Yeah." Ally closed her eyes again. "It's time."


	14. Feel the Rain

Ally stared moodily out the window of the Smithbrooke Centre at the rain. She hated it here. She hated the monotony of the days, filled with weigh-ins, meals, group sessions, individual sessions, and loneliness only broken when Lisa arrived in the evenings to sit with her. Wilson came sometimes too. She hated being _sick_. All her life she had been the one fixing people, now other doctors were trying to fix her. She wasn't even sure anymore that they could. She wasn't gaining, her BMI resting back around 15. She was too miserable to try and make herself eat, even if it was the one thing that could get her out of this place "healthy". They were threatening an NG tube. She couldn't even be bothered to fight about it. The only thing she felt guilty about was Lisa. Lisa, who had fought so hard to make her gain, to make her happy. Lisa, who was bringing a baby into this world, a baby who was meant to be _theirs. _Lisa, who was the only one left fighting for her, besides Wilson. Sighing, she made a decision. Carefully, she climbed out of bed and made her way down the hall and into one of the phone booths at the end of it. "Lis?"

"Ally?" Lisa sounded worried.

Ally burst into tears. "Lis, I'm coming home." There was silence at the other end of the line. "Lisa?"  
"Are you sure, Ally?" Lisa asked tentatively.

Ally nodded, wiping tears from her face. "I'm getting worse here." Lisa couldn't deny that. Ally's mood had disintegrated in the facility and her eating certainly hadn't improved. She sighed.

"Yeah, you are. I'll come and get you tonight."

Ally smiled with relief. "Thank you."

"Remember you'll be leaving AMA."

"Yeah."

It was still raining when she walked with Lisa to the car that night. She lifted her face to it and smiled. "I'm free." She whispered. Lisa couldn't help but feel happy about the first sign of animation she'd seen from her girlfriend in months. She squeezed her hand gently.

"You're free."

Lisa woke to Ally watching her with a smile on her face.

"How does it feel to wake up at home?" she asked, stretching.

"Amazing." Ally kissed her gently. "How's baby?" she questioned, placing her hands on Lisa's stomach.

"Kicking away." Lisa yawned. Ally grinned.

"So she is." She cuddled into Lisa. "And how's my girl?"

"Tired." Lisa admitted. "The baby kept waking me up."

"Let's stay in bed then."

"Mmm kay." Lisa kissed Ally's forehead gently. "It's good to have _you_ back. It makes me realise how bad that place was for you."

Ally nodded slowly. "It's going to be a long road." She said sadly.

"I believe in you." Lisa whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind Ally's ear.

"I'm glad someone does." Ally sighed and closed her eyes, laying back down on the pillow. Lisa stroked her hair gently.

"It'll be better now you're home."

"I hope so." Ally smiled wanly. "Are you going to the hospital later?"

"Just to pick up a few things."

"Can I come?"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Of course. Everyone will be so excited to see you!"

"I'm looking forward to going back." Ally smiled. "Once I've gained a bit." She reassured, seeing the look on Lisa's face. "I know I can't right now."

Lisa nodded. "At least this way we can both be home after the baby is born." She smiled, putting a hand to her stomach.

"Not long now!" Ally commented. It was only a few weeks until Lisa's due date.

"I know!" Lisa glowed excitedly. Ally grinned.

It was nice to be back in the hospital, even if she wasn't working. Ally wandered through the halls, stopping to say hello to Wilson, House, Foreman, Chase…All were glad to see her, though surprised she wasn't at Smithbrooke. She had to take frequent breaks – it was the most exercise she'd had in months. But even being free of the facility for less than 24 hours had lifted a weight from her shoulders. She could see hope again.


	15. If Rocks Can Feel

Lisa caught the brief flash of panic in Ally's eyes as she politely excused herself from the table and walked quickly from the table and out of the room, a hand on her stomach. She sighed. She had had her apprehensions about agreeing that Ally should even come to the fundraiser, Ally however, had insisted stubbornly that she'd be fine.

When Ally didn't return in five minutes she stood and excused herself also, walking as sedately as she could manage into the hallway given how close she was to the end of her pregnancy. She heard retching from the bathroom. "Ally?" she called as she entered.

"Lis?" She could hear the tears in Ally's voice. Lisa opened the unlocked door of the disabled restroom.

"Oh, Ally." Her girlfriend had her hair tied back and was dry-retching into the toilet hopelessly. Lisa grabbed one of the paper cups from the wall beside the sink and filled it. "Here." She offered, lowering herself onto the floor and beginning to rub Ally's back slowly.

Ally took the water gratefully, sipping at it. "Shouldn't I be doing this for you?" she asked weakly.

Lisa sighed. "Did you eat too much?"

Ally nodded. "I didn't want to act…weird or anything."

Lisa kissed her head gently. "I don't mind if you're weird, those nutrients need to stay inside you and your stomach can't handle that much!"

Ally rinsed her mouth out and spat the remainder of the water into the toilet, flushing it. "Evidently not." She grimaced, and then stood with the help of the railing beside her, breathing deeply as her vision darkened a little.

"You okay?" Lisa looked up at her, worried.

"Yeah." Ally smiled wanly and offered her a hand. "Thanks, Lis."

Lisa wrapped her arms gently around the other woman. "I'm so afraid, Ally." She admitted.

Ally buried her face in Lisa's hair. "Me too."

"Let's go." Lisa decided. "We'll go home and you can have some soup or something else easy to keep down. Okay?" Ally nodded. "Okay." She was too tired to keep sitting with a large group of people after what had just happened.

Lisa smiled. At least Ally knew her limits. She guided her out of the bathroom and put her in a seat outside the ballroom door. "Stay here." She instructed. "I'm going to let Wilson know we're leaving."

Ally laid her head gingerly against the wall. "'kay." She closed her eyes and waited for Lisa to come back. She did, with Wilson in tow. Wilson picked her up, surprised at how easily he could lift the woman. "I can walk, you know." Ally insisted.

"You're on the verge of passing out." He informed her. "I'm driving you both home."

"He insisted." Lisa chipped in. Ally just curled into Wilson's chest.

"Thank you." She mumbled tiredly.

She woke up to the sound of Lisa and Wilson arguing. "You aren't staying!" Lisa said forcefully. Ally could tell the conversation had been going on for a while.

"What's going to happen when you go into labour, Lisa?" Wilson asked her. "Ally's in no condition to help you. I'm staying in your spare room." He crossed his arms. "No more argument."

Lisa threw her arms in the air. "Fine. Do what you want." She collapsed back on the couch Ally was lying on.

"It's a good idea, Lis." Ally murmured sleepily. Two faces approached her at once.

"You're awake." Lisa smiled, tucking hair behind Ally's ear.

"What are you going to do with me _and_ the baby, Lis?" Ally's eyes brimmed with tears.

"Shhh." Lisa whispered, pulling Ally into her severely diminished lap. "Shhh."

Wilson sat down in the spare space and put a hand on Ally's leg. "I'll be here to help, Ally."

"What if I never get better?" Ally asked tearfully. "What kind of role model will I be? What if I die?"

"Don't say that." Lisa snapped. Ally went silent, tears running down her cheeks.

Wilson sighed. "I'm going to make Ally some soup." He wandered into the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone. They could hear him rummaging through the fridge.

"I can't be a good mom like this. I can't be a good girlfriend." Ally's tears ran down Lisa's chest and into her dress.

Lisa put a hand to Ally's cheek. "You're a wonderful girlfriend, Ally." She smiled down into Ally's blue eyes. "You're amazing. And you'll be a great mom, no matter what." She kissed Ally gently. "We'll get you better yet. Don't give up."

Ally wrapped her thin arms around her. "I love you so much." She whispered. "I just want to be better so we can be happy."

"We're already happy." Lisa pointed out. "Just think how happy we'll be with our little girl and you feeling better." She smiled, putting a hand on her swollen stomach. Ally took one of her hands and intertwined it with Lisa's.

"She can go to the hospital day care." Ally leaned her head on Lisa's shoulder. "We can both work in the daytime so we can all be together at night." She smiled. "Like a real family."

"There you go. See?" Lisa stroked her hand gently. She looked up at Wilson as he sat back down beside them.

"Soup will be ready soon."

"Thanks." Ally smiled at him gently. "I really appreciate it. Both of you."

Wilson blushed. "I'm glad to be here."

Lisa chuckled at him. "We can be a parental unit of three." She joked.

….

A week later, Ally sat contentedly beside Lisa's hospital bed holding the newly born Amara Cameron Cuddy in her arms while Lisa dozed. She couldn't take her eyes off the baby, even when she was sleeping. Wilson came in and took the seat beside her. "They're amazing, aren't they?" he murmured.

Ally nodded mutely, gazing at Amara's fuzz of deep brown hair. Wilson tickled Amara's cheek beside her mouth and Amara turned, her mouth seeking out his finger. "Rooting reflex is definitely present." Ally smiled as Amara opened bright blue eyes, confused, and smiled up at her. Ally smiled back fondly. "Hi Amara." She whispered. Amara cooed and grabbed her hair with a waving fist.

Lisa watched the scene sleepily from her bed and grinned. Ally would be a wonderful mother, eating disorder or no. Ally felt her gaze and looked up. "Look, Amara. Mommy's up." Wilson helped her to stand and guided her to the bed, where she sat down beside Lisa, transferring the baby into her arms before gently detaching her hair from Amara's grip. Wilson stood protectively behind her, a hand lightly on her shoulder. She leaned back into him comfortably. It was kind of like having a protective older brother. Amara rooted comfortably into Lisa's chest, searching, so Lisa slipped one arm out of her hospital gown so she could feed her. Wilson watched, fascinated.

"Wilson, stop staring at my chest." Lisa commented wryly without even looking up.

"I…I…" He stammered, embarrassed.

Ally smothered a chuckle as she glanced at him. He was bright red. "She's making fun of you, James. Calm down." She patted his hand gently and moved to curl up on the bed beside Lisa.

Wilson had just taken over Amara to burp her when House banged his way into the hospital room. "I heard your spawn had arrived and thought I'd come take a look." He informed them, then looked disgustedly at Wilson. "How did you get roped into the happy family?"

Wilson turned to face him, rubbing Amara's back gently. "I volunteered."

"_Why_?" House looked horrified by the concept.

"Some people have emotions, House." Wilson informed him calmly, relocating Amara to the crook of his elbow.

"Can I hold the spawn?" House questioned, eying the sleeping girl.

"Just don't feed her Vicodin." Cuddy informed him, an arm comfortably around Ally, who was curled up beside her watching the scene unfold.

House sat down in one of the chairs and waited while Wilson passed him Amara. His eyes softened slightly as the child nestled into his body warmth. Wilson grinned. "Pretty cute, eh?" he couldn't resist commenting.

"As spawn goes." He looked up at Ally and Lisa, who were watching with interest, and rolled his eyes. "I mean, she looks kind of like a wrinkled potato, but..." he shrugged.

Ally laughed. "You can't fool us, House."

"As long as I never have to babysit."

"As if we'd leave her alone with you!" Cuddy exclaimed. "You'd probably shave her head or something!"

House nodded wisely. "Probably." He gave Amara back to Wilson. "You." He pointed his cane at Ally. Her eyes widened. "Accompany me to the cafeteria."

"Oh. Okay." Ally got slowly off the bed as House stood up, kissing Lisa gently on the cheek. "Back soon."

She looked like a child standing next to House's tall form, her sweater hanging over flesh that wasn't there.

"You're buying." House informed her as they arrived at the cafeteria. Ally smiled.

"Why would I expect any different?" she poured herself a coffee and selected a bran muffin. House just got coffee.

They sat in silence while Ally picked her way through the muffin. House simply watched. "Are you coming back?" he asked after a while. "Cause Chase can't make coffee worth a damn and it's getting expensive to buy it all the time."

Ally rolled her eyes. "Like you can't afford it." She ignored his other question and his glare, starting on her coffee.

"Just…Get better, okay?" he said gruffly, standing up. She stared at him as he limped away.

"House!" House turned to see Cameron chasing him down the hall.

"What?"

She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek lightly. "Nothing." She turned and walked back towards the elevator, a smile on her face.


	16. And Wilson Makes Four

"Peek-a-boo!" Ally lay on the floor in front of Amara, who was now old enough to sit unaided. "Peek-a-boo!" She popped out from behind her hands again and the little girl giggled happily. Ally reached forward and tickled her sides. Amara squealed and wiggled. Ally laughed. "You're a goof!" she informed the child. "A goof!"

"I think you're the goof in this situation." Wilson pointed out, sitting down behind her in a chair. Ally looked up at him, grinning.

"Perhaps." She admitted. Amara clapped her hands and Ally turned her attention back to the child. Wilson put his wine glass down and scooped Amara up, flying her through the air above his head. She grinned toothlessly and squealed again, laughing happily as Wilson sat her facing him on his lap, bouncing her up and down. Ally smiled. Amara was such a happy child, which admittedly may have come from essentially having 3 parents to spoil her, but nonetheless.

She stood and wandered over to Lisa, who was watching them from the kitchen. "Hey Lis." She murmured, kissing her girlfriend gently. "Need a hand? James has Amara."

Lisa shook her head. "I'm okay. Almost done in fact. Have a seat and some wine!" she gestured to the bottle on the table. Ally poured herself a small glass.

"What're we having?" she questioned.

"Chicken, veggies, rice, salad." Lisa put her knife down and came to sit with her. "Nothing fancy." She leaned in to kiss Ally again.

"Yum."

Lisa grinned. "Me or dinner?"

Ally pretended to think for a minute. "Both, but I think you win."

This earned a laugh. "I'm glad."

Wilson wandered in, carrying Amara on his hip. "Sure. Abandon me with the baby so you two can hook up." He joked. Two sets of blue eyes looked up at him innocently, and Lisa stood to take charge of Amara, who grabbed hold of her long curls immediately. Ally pulled her knees up to her chest and yawned.

"She's already getting too big for me to carry." She commented, gesturing at Amara.

"I'd noticed." Lisa propped Amara on her hip. Ally was much happier of late, but wasn't gaining. She got barely any calories, and no amount of encouraging would convince her to eat more. No-one said anything for a while.

"I'll put her to bed." Ally reached out for the child, cuddling the little girl to her chest. Carefully she stood, leaving the other two in silence behind her. Upstairs, she calmly checked if Amara's diaper was dry, and changed her into some pyjamas.

Lisa's voice behind her made her jump. "We need to talk, Ally."

Ally didn't respond, but instead picked Amara up from the bed, kissed her gently on the forehead, and tucked her into her crib. Then she turned. "Yes?"

"You need to work harder. You're too comfortable."

Ally raised an eyebrow. "Too comfortable?"

'With your eating habits." Lisa elaborated. "You aren't trying. You have to."

Ally rested a hand gently on the crib beside her. "Because soon I won't be able to pick up my own daughter?" she asked quietly.

Lisa moved forward, running a finger down Ally's cheek. "Because you have a right to be healthy. Because I hate seeing you like this. Because I've seen how strong you can be and know you can fight this." She sighed. "I love you, Ally. I just wish you saw everything I can see."

Ally leaned her forehead against Lisa's. "Tell me." She murmured.

Lisa took a minute to consider. "I see an intelligent, beautiful, and courageous woman with strong moral standards and incredible potential. I see a person who has seen suffering and done everything she could to help, even if it meant suffering for herself. I see someone in pain who can't find a way out, but who has to keep trying because she is amazing and I love her more than anyone." She paused. "You pushed yourself through medical school after John died by sheer force of will. Because you saw the difference you could make in the world and wanted more than anything to make it. You've made that difference to me. You're making that difference for your daughter, and you were making it and Princeton Plainsborough. You need to keep trying so you can keep being the person you are inside. Your body is preventing you from being who you truly are. You have to fight this disease."

"I'm not sure I know how." Ally admitted quietly, backing away a little so she could look Lisa in the eye.

"Just keep trying as hard as you can each and every day. You'll get there." Lisa kissed her gently.

Ally smiled. "We've probably abandoned Wilson for long enough." She pointed out, taking Lisa's hand. "Thanks, Lis." She whispered.


	17. Scaring You to Death

There were days when she couldn't bring herself to do anything but stare into space for hours at a time, sitting in the silence of her own thoughts. These days were the ones that worried Lisa most – the days when Ally didn't speak to her or James, the days she didn't get dressed or help with Amara, the days when she just sat, wrapped in a too-big sweatshirt and pyjama pants staring out the window or at nothing. Absent. Cut off.

On those days, she knew she wasn't okay. Not just in terms of health, where her not-wellness was self-evident. She didn't function anymore. She'd forgotten how. She became a shell.

There were still days when she was fine, days when she tried. When she played with Amara and ate her food without complaint, joking with James and Lisa, and they could find the light that was still inside her, somewhere.

Most of the time she just existed somewhere in-between, wherever that was, somewhere between reality and her thought processes.

Amara grew, began to walk, began to talk. Grew long, curly black hair and had bright blue eyes that could get her anything. They could even get Ally to eat, sometimes.

"Mum?" The question caught Ally off-guard. She jumped, startled out of her thoughts as she looked at her daughter across the table.

"Yes, love?" Ally sipped her coffee, smiling.

"May we go to the park? It's sunny." Amara's eyes pleaded with her.

"I don't see why not." Ally laughed. "Let's see what Mommy thinks." She held her hand out to the little girl, who grabbed it readily, practically dragging Ally into the living room.

"Mommy? Mommy?" she called excitedly. Lisa looked up from the paper, as did James.

"Yes 'Mara?"

"Mum says we can go to the park if you say its okay. Can we go please?" The child was basically jumping up and down.

Lisa nodded with mock sternness. "I think so." She grinned at her daughter. "Do you want to take a picnic?"

Amara nodded with a barely contained smile. "Can Uncle James help me make it?" she asked, looking sideways at him.

"I would be honoured." James stood up from his seat. "So long as the mothers don't mind?" he raised eyebrows at the two of them.

"They don't mind." Amara informed him, taking his hand. Lisa chuckled and shooed them towards the kitchen. James swept the girl up in his arms and they made their way into the kitchen, Amara giggling happily.

Ally sat and curled up into Lisa's side, laying her head in her lap. Lisa stroked her hair tenderly. "How are you today?" she asked quietly.

"Alright." Ally rolled onto her back and smiled up at her girlfriend. "I ate breakfast."

"Good."

Ally nodded. "Yeah." Her answer was ambiguous. Lisa chose not to press the subject.

"Well, if we're going to the park, we'd better get showered." She pointed out.

Ally rolled off the sofa and reached out a hand to Lisa, who took it and stood. Tears still came to her eyes as Ally undressed to expose ribs showing through her skin. It was something she could avoid thinking about when Ally was wrapped in layers of clothing. Ally turned and saw the expression on her face. "Lis?" She usually showered separately from the older woman for precisely this reason. Tears spilled over. Ally quickly pulled a sweatshirt back on. "Lis?" she asked again, approaching her girlfriend and wrapping her arms around her. Lisa started sobbing onto her shoulder. "Shhh." Ally whispered. "It's alright."

"No!" Lisa burst out. "It's not alright, Ally!" she looked up, glaring. Ally backed away slowly, afraid. "You're killing yourself." Tears spilled over again. "And you're killing me by doing it" She spoke bitterly.

Ally wrapped her arms around herself silently and sunk to the floor.

"Can't you say _something_?" Lisa questioned violently. "Don't just murmur 'I'm fine' when you obviously aren't. For God's sake, _scream_ if it will make you better. Talk to me! Tell me what's wrong" she demanded.

Ally stayed quiet for a moment. Then: "I don't know" she whispered. She looked up at Lisa, afraid. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't understand me. I don't know why I'm like this. Maybe that's why I can't fix it." She leaned her head into her arms.

"Maybe you should go back into the hospital. Go on an NG tube." Lisa suggested dully.

Ally looked up at her sadly. "Is that what you want? Do you want me to go?"

Lisa shook her head. "But I don't know how to help you."

"No-one does." Ally sighed and stood up, pulling on her pants. "I'll be in the bedroom. Call me when you're done showering." She turned to leave.

Lisa's hand on her shoulder stopped her. "Shower with me." She requested.

Ally smiled. "Thanks." They undressed and got in. Ally's body relaxed under the hot water, long brown hair streaming down her back. She smiled up at Lisa.

Lisa tried very hard to smile back.

Under several layers of clothes and a coat, Ally looked almost normal as they walked through the park, Amara tearing ahead in the lead, aiming for the swings. Ally went after her, sitting on the swing next to her daughter and laughing as they began to swing. They didn't see her fall. "MUMMY!" It was Amara's frantic screaming that brought them. "MUM!" They ran towards the swings to find her crouched over Ally, who was evidently unconscious. James pulled out his cell as they ran, calling 911. Amara saw them. "Mommy! Something happened!" she screamed, sobbing over Ally.

Lisa reached them moments later, immediately putting her fingers to Ally's neck, feeling for a pulse. It was there, but she wasn't breathing. Tilting Ally's head back, she pinched her nose and blew into her mouth, watching as her chest rose. "She's not breathing!" She called to Wilson, pinching Ally's nose and preparing to blow again. The second time Ally's chest fell down she breathed in sharply, coughing. "Ally?" Tears were streaming down Lisa's face.

Ally's eyes fluttered open. "What happened?" she asked croakily. Lisa started sobbing, climbing over Ally to hold Amara to her.

"Thank God." She whispered, clutching the pale faced child. "Thank God for you."

James came over, checking Ally's pulse and putting his coat under her head. "An ambulance is on its way. Does anything hurt?"

"My wrist."

Amara pulled away from Lisa to go back to kneel beside Ally. "Mummy?"

Ally reached up a hand and ran it through Amara's hair. "I love you." She murmured.

"Are you okay Mummy?" Amara's lip trembled. She was still incredibly pale.

"I will be thanks to you." Ally told her seriously. Amara buried her face into Ally's neck. Lisa was sitting a few feet away, apparently in shock. "Lis?" Ally questioned quietly. Lisa turned to face her with a tear-stained face. "I'll go on the NG tube."

Lisa smiled wanly and nodded.

The ambulance arrived a few minutes later and took them to PPTH at Lisa's request. James followed with the car. A full body X-ray determined that Ally had a fractured wrist and two broken ribs. They thought she had suffered a minor heart attack.

"Do you want to be admitted to the psychiatric ward here?" Lisa asked her gently, Amara asleep on her lap, sucking her thumb. "At least it would be familiar. People could visit. I'll be here. James will be here. Amara's in the day care."

Ally nodded. "I don't want to go back to Smithbrooke."

"Okay." Lisa smiled briefly. "I'm glad you're trying again."

"I have to." Ally swallowed.


End file.
